A short article discussing the controversy regarding T.I. and his 18 year old daughter, Deyjah. These are the personal opinions of the writer.

Social media websites such as Twitter and Instagram went into a frenzy Wednesday morning, following a newly released podcast interview with T.I. The Atlanta rapper explained to the female hosts that since she turned 16, he has accompanied his daughter Deyjah to yearly OB-GYN appointments, demanding to know if his daughter’s hymen is still intact. The podcast has since been deleted following the mass backlash and conversation regarding parenting and sexuality. However, the damage following his statements have already been done.

His statements are problematic indeed, and are unfortunately a reflection of how society incorrectly views sexuality, especially the sexuality of young women. Listed below are three main misconceptions commonly seen when regarding the sexual activities of female youth.

Sexual Misconceptions

1) Hymen’s do not indicate virginity

As stated by Planned Parenthood, a young lady whos hymen has yet to be stretched (as hymen’s do not break, they only stretch) does not indicate she is still sexually inactive vaginally. Furthermore, a vagina with a stretched hymen does not reveal she is sexually active. Hymen’s can be stretched by various activities, such as riding bikes and horses. Although Harris stated his daughter does not partake in athletic activity, it is also important to add that actions such as interesting a tampon for the first time, or masturbating, can also result in the stretching of the hymen. It’s also important to share that hymens come in various sizes, some bigger than others. Thus, this is an outdated way of attempting to detect a teenage girls sexual activity.

2) Sexual acts are not limited to vaginal sex

The hetero-normative definition of sexual intercourse revolves around vaginal sex, defined as the inserting of a penis into a vagina. However, this normalized image of sex does not match the reality of various methods of sexual intercourse. People can choose have sex anally (anal sex), or orally (oral sex), rather than vaginally. Thus, parents attempting to “check” their daughters hymen fail to accurately measure if she truly is sexual inactive this way.

3) STD’s can be acquired outside of vaginal sex

One of the biggest debates I’ve seen following the release of the podcast episode, were supporters of T.I. who argued that STD’s are too rapid to allow your child to be sexually active. While any parent would be concerned regarding their child’s sexual health, it is rather unproductive to refrain your child from engaging in sexual activity altogether to avoid the possibility of STD’s. Recent years of comparison between sex-ed classes and abstinence only classes within high schools have shown that telling children to not partake in sexual activity only increases their curiosity, increases the prevalence of them sneaking around, and overall increases their chances of getting a STD anyway. Furthermore, STD’s may still be acquired through anal and oral sex, and not specifically through vaginal sex. Instead, talking to their child about the various sexually transmitted diseases and sharing tips engaging in safe sex would be more effective.

Psychological Impacts

Aside from the possibility of Deyjah being humiliated by her father sharing such intimate details publicly, there are other negative consequences which may follow due to being forced to undergo such procedures as an adolescent.

One of the consequences, is the concept of control. Unfortunately, daughters who are forced to share such intimate details with their parents, especially their fathers, may grow into believing their physical body and sexual activity is to be shared with others, and that they lack the right to contain that information in privacy. The concept of consent becomes blurry, as these young ladies grow to believe that their bodies and sexual activities are dependent on another individual, rather than their own agency. There is also a potential negative impact based on T.I.’s usage of vocabulary, calling the results for Deyjah’s check as “my results.” Again, such a statement and claiming of ownership regarding his daughter’s results slightly indicates that although Deyjah is a young woman, her body, sexuality, nor her sexual health, is for hers to keep.

In more extreme circumstances, young ladies who are raised in this manner may be more vulnerable to being involved in sexually abusive relationships as an adult, as their view of sexual and body ownership may be misconstrued. On the other extreme, the young ladies may have internalized the act of sex as being something bad rather than intimate, and may be uncomfortable with the thought of having intercourse. Later if they choose to partake in sexual activities, their may experience an internalized feeling of shame, disgust, and being displeasing to those who’ve raised them.

Proposal

Parents, expecting your child to refrain from sexual activity until they reach 18 or older is unrealistic. They are at an age where they become sexually curious, and by living within a sexually driven society, there may be circumstances during their development where they may engage in sexual behaviors.

Rather than being strict regarding your child’s sexual expression, teach them about safe sex. Sit down with them and explain the various types of STD’s. Let them know how one can get pregnant through intercourse. Speak with them on sexual assault and consent. Discuss with them the dangers of older manipulative men attempting to sexually take advantage of them. Talk with them about birth control, and be open to helping them in the process if they wish to use them. Help them understand that your main concern is if they choose to engage in sexual activity, that they are being safe and are not abusing themselves or others in the process.

Lastly, help your child in being sexually confident. Teach them throughout the years that their body belongs to THEM, no one else. Reaffirm them that they have the agency to allow or deny ANYONE’S access to their body, even their own family.

As a young woman or man, you have every right to be sexuality curious. You have the birthright to explore what your likes and dislikes are. You have the right to deny access of your sexual history (unless important, such as disclosing an acquired STD before intercourse) to others. You have the right to own your body and sexuality.

TW: Suicide

“Because only white people suffer from depression. Only white people commit suicide. Black women are strong. Black women are not human. And this is a LIE.” -Christelyn Karazin

Karyn Washington was definitely a young black woman with a mission. Creator of the online project For Brown Girls, the 22 year old’s goal as a dark skinned woman was to create a safe space for other dark skinned women to feel confident in their skin tone while living in a society that categorizes the dark skin as unattractive. She created daily blog posts and photographs that would spread happiness, pride, and self-confidence to viewers in attempts to have them feel more confident in their complexion. Another project she created, #DarkSkinRedLip, quickly became a social media movement against rapper A$AP Rocky’s comments about dark skinned women “not being able to rock” to red lipstick. Attracting young and matured aged followers from all over the globe, the Morgan State University graduate was becoming a game changer within the blogging world, uplifting African American woman and slowly even becoming a hero to some of her followers.

However, in the midst of all of her success, there was an issue bubbling deep inside that no one else could see. A desperation for help and support that she had refused to show to her followers. A battle that she, unfortunately, could not fight herself.

On April 4th, 2014, Karyn Washington was found dead in her home. Her cause of death: Suicide.

The death initially shocked the blogging world and left fans in a state of confusion. How could a young black woman whose sole mission was to uplift and bring happiness to other women, kill herself? How could a woman who seemed to have it all together, end her own life?

Unfortunately, Karyn was going through a situation many black woman experience. Feeling she had a duty to better her surrounding community, Karyn put her time, heart, and energy into her work. Her projects exuded self-confidence and pride, and her wisdom made it seem as if she had life all together. The outer persona of Karyn Washington quickly took over who she really was, and became a mask for her to wear. While she may have appeared as a powerful community orientated women, behind closed doors Ms. Washington was fighting a serious battle against depression and other mental disorders. So while she spent her time catering to the well-being of others, she never truly gave the time to cater to herself or to let others know she was in pain as well. Upholding the new image of being a hero to younger and older women from her blog site, there was no time for her to feel vulnerable. Karyn had to keep it all together…..but sadly keeping it all together become one of the main reasons for her passing.

As black women we are constantly told that we are and should continue to be emotionally resilient: capable of handling any obstacle we face. We should always walk with our heads held high, exude confidence and assertion while never appearing weak to the public eye.

Although the superwoman image was created with intentions of being uplifting, the portrayal of a whole racial gendered community as undefeatable and subhuman does more harm than good. In fact, the outer appearance of being strong, dedicated, and put together is resulting in the women of our communities fearing the possibility of vulnerability and is contributing to the overall epidemic of hiding their mental disorders and emotional distresses. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Minority Health has reported that approximately African Americans are 20% more likely to report suffering from a psychological disorder in comparison the white community. Ironically however, they are less likely to receive treatment or help for their distresses, especially if they are college educated. The concept of handling problems on their own is causing the black community, particularly black women to believe that treatment for their disorders is not necessary, and causes them to believe that the disorder as a whole is simply “the blues” instead of a dangerous emotional problem.

The black superwoman complex is not the same uplifting stereotype that we have all been raised to believe. Instead, the stereotype is a dehumanizing, sub-human expectation that is destroying the health, self-esteem and sanity of black women every day. Being told to “hold it together” while putting aside our own physical, mental, and emotional needs is not helping us defeat our problems, but is hurting us instead. Awareness of the possible mental illnesses black women can experience throughout their lifetime from upholding this belief as well as space being open for black women to finally come forward with their pain can possibly erase this social expectation for black women once and for all.

Black Superwoman Complex: Why is it Here?

One of the many reasons as to why the black superwoman complex is existent within our community is due to the negative perception of black women not being capable enough to succeed in this world or worthy enough of respect. As stated earlier the black superwoman stereotype was initially rooted as an uplifting characteristic to combat the highly negative stereotypes that at one time defined black women as a whole. Historically, black women have been seen as either hypersexual beings who lacked the possibility of being raped or romantically respected (Jezebel), or the powerless, submissive servant that worked and cleaned after others while holding no systematic power (Mammy). The prior stereotypes are of course false and are not an accurate description of black women. However, having prevalence since slavery, these harming assumptions of black women have followed us for centuries and caused great harm to our physical and mental well-beings. As a response to the negative cogitations, the black community took matters into their own hands to created a new, uplifting image that embodied black women as strong women who do not accept defeat. The painting of black women as being almost undefeatable, assertive, powerful, etc., was an attempt to erase the oppressive and degrading images of black women created by racist groups around the world. Unfortunately, overtime this image lost its value and instead has become an emotionally and mentally damaging image for women instead of an uplifting one. Now, instead of black women feeling as if they are allowed to be vulnerable, they are in the permanent mindset to appear as if everything is okay and handled on the surface, when in actuality deep inside they are fighting a battle that is hidden from the world to avoid the perception of weakness.

There has also been a stigma within our community that the concept of mental illness is nonexistent. African Americans who are suffering from mental disorders are seen as weak or “lacking willpower,” for mental illness is a “white issue” that we as a community don’t deal with. Black people who are currently going through mental issues may feel they are strange, sub-human, or “being punished by God,” when in actuality they are just regular human beings who may need just a bit of help during a difficult time. These views contribute to the silencing of black people currently experiencing mental disorders, and contributes to the overall need for black women to act as if everything is okay and nothing can ever be too much when behind closed doors they are unknowingly battling a disorder while dismissing it as “the blues.”

What Are the Emotional and Psychological Effects of the Superwoman Complex?

“The desire to be ‘strong’ was found to factor into levels of selflessness, powerlessness, and self-silencing that contributed to the psychological distress and heightened risk for depression” – Beauboeuf Lafontant

In terms of emotion, loneliness and disappointment are just some of the common negative moods found within women who are desperately trying to uphold the image of the black superwoman. Loneliness becomes existent from walking throughout the world with a persona that they can handle any issue or responsibility coming in their direction, for doing so makes them seem to others that they are perfectly fine with no underlining issues. Portrayal of oneself having everything together as well as exuding false confidence can unfortunately cause peers and families members to detect that nothing is wrong with the women, resulting in failure to realize that they’re hurting inside. Because no one will be able to tell if she is suffering due to her outward assurance that life is okay or that she is strong enough to handle everything, the woman will continue to feel as if no one understands, cares, or truly gets her. Disappointment may also be another emotional issue that occurs within black women due to not being able to complete or accomplish all that they are “supposed" to do. A part of the stereotype is to take on numerous of responsibilities at once and to complete them with grace and without failure. Failing to complete a certain task, or to finish them with what they feel is a "lack a substance" has the possibility of creating an overwhelming feeling of disappointment within oneself.

Depression is one of the most common mental disorders correlating with the discussion of the black superwoman. Heightened levels of stress from taking on too many responsibilities at once, feelings of not being understood by the public, as well as the feeling of being alone when no one else is around can eventually take a major toll on the mental state of the black woman. Taking numerous of activities, responsibilities, etc., while portraying an image of happiness and strength does nothing but cover up negative emotions, allowing them to boil under the surface until it becomes too much to bear. Women may begin to feel sluggish, lose interest in the things that once excited them, and begin to cry behind closed doors often before coming back outside with the superhero mask. Depending on the severity of the disorder, some woman may begin to believe their life has no purpose, constantly experience suicidal thoughts, and like Karyn Washington attempt or successfully take their own life.

Women who try to uphold this stereotype to the best of their abilities believe having anyone know or detect their emotional or psychological problems will result in them being exposed as weak or helpless. Due to this, large amounts of black women end up suffering with emotional and mental disorders in silence with no form of treatment.

Destroying the Complex

So now that we are aware of how damaging this image is, the question remains; what can we do about it? How can we allow ourselves to let our guards down and take better care of our emotional health? In my response, in order to combat this complex, we must accept negative emotions as they are. By saying this I am implying that we must allow ourselves to feel vulnerable once in a while; being open to feelings of sadness, weakness, and failure. While we have been conditioned to believe that being seen as any of the prior is unacceptable, it is important to understand that negative emotions are simply apart of life. These feelings are what make us human, and they shouldn't be ignored or hidden. To allow yourself to admit that you are not well or don’t have everything under control takes an enormous amount of strength that no one gives credit for, and is definitely healing as you are slowing taking heavy bricks off your chest. In order to combat these issues and free yourself from the negative effects of the black superwoman syndrome, I have created seven essential tips to be enforced into your everyday life.

My suggestions for breaking the Black Superwoman Complex are as follows:

1. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

2. Understand that in life you will never have everything together. And that is okay.

3. Make sure to practice self-care. Take time to cater to yourself.

4. Talk to people you trust when negative emotions begin to surface. Try your best to not harvest these emotions until they become too much to handle.

5. Recognize that no one is perfect, no matter how great or put together their life appears.

6. Take things one step at a time. Do not feel pressured into taking on more than you can handle.

7. If you are currently experiencing serious emotional discomfort, please do not feel afraid to see a counselor. People do not have to know you are getting help if you don’t want others to know your business, however it is imperative to seek professional help so your healing process may finally begin.

In conclusion, the black superwoman is doing more bad for black woman than good. With the realization that one doesn't have to maintain this false image of strength, power, confidence and control, the mental and emotional state of black woman will be in a better place.